Stop The Press!
Shattering news!
I had a pimple!
You could ask me: “ Ok, so what?” Just as well that you didn’t ask me so I wont have to answer that question.
But consider this scenario; Here I am at the ripe young age of 67, retired, and with a beard and therefore regarded, rightly or wrongly, as a wise old man. And I’m having a pimple of a size that any teenager would be proud of.
Is it worth writing about? No, not really, what with all this scaremongering of Global warming, draughts, floods, tsunamis, nukes, and billboard wearing fanatics telling us that the end of the world is nigh.
But the fact that I am having this thing, shows that we have a possible world wonder, a shattering event on our hands, something that will make history, before the ‘nigh’ bit comes along.
When I had my operation and the heroic surgeon gave me a half a dozen bypasses and a steel valve, and I survived that event, but only just, the doctor said that I will feel a lot younger. Others assured me that I will feel at least ten years younger.
Now, whether ten years last longer then this ‘lot younger’ bit is something that academics can ponder over. However, I have made up my mind on this! ‘A lot younger’ is more then ‘ten years longer’. This pimple is the proof.
And the many billions of people who are going to read this (of course!!!) will take notice, and pester their preferred quacks for a bypass operation so that they too can join the proud pimple bearing society! This little article will make lots of doctors rich!
All I get out of it though is this bloody pimple. But this article is my gift to this world.
I have my pimple, (well had actually, as I just squeezed it) and you too could belong to the Zit society!
Don’t zit on it!
Act now!
It’s free!
Signed,
Wise zitty old man.